The other day, my daughter asked me why I was chasing that mosquito with a wet towel. I playfully told her, “Oh, I’m sending it on a little adventure.” But as the mosquito went to meet its maker, it made me think about how to explain that the fish we’re eating was once alive, or that trees sometimes get cut down because they are no longer living. When I tell my daughter stories about her grandparents, she often asks where they are, and why they don’t come to visit. So yes, it’s important to talk about death.
Talking to kids about death might seem tough, but it’s an important part of helping them understand life – and not just human life, but life as a whole. Here are some tips to approach this sensitive topic with your kids in a natural, comforting, relatively easy way.
Start with nature.
Kids are naturally curious about the world around them. Use nature to explain life and death. For instance, if your child asks about the chicken you’re serving for dinner, you can say “Well, this chicken lived on a farm and helped feed us so we can grow strong.” Similarly, if a tree in your neighborhood is cut down, you could say something like, “The tree had a long life and it was time for it to go. That means we can plant a new one in its place, and help it grow strong and healthy.”
Be honest, yet gentle.
It’s important to be honest, but we also need to be delicate and choose our words wisely and gently. When my daughter asked about the mosquito, I missed a good opportunity to introduce the concepts of life and death in a simple way. I could have explained myself a bit better and say something like, “I had to help the mosquito move on, because it can make us itchy and maybe ill. We don’t want to get sick from a mosquito bite, so I had to send him away on a new adventure.” This simple answer might help her understand (some of the idea of) death, without being too overwhelming.
Also, we can use stories about loved ones to help our kids understand the concept of heaven and eternal life. This is key when talking about grandparents who have passed away. Let your children know that their grandparents are now in Heaven. They might not drop by, but their love is always with us. This can be a comforting and reassuring way to think about the last things.
Providing reassurance
It’s natural for children (and for adults, too) to have lots of questions about death. Be sure to encourage them to ask and provide reassurance when they do. Let them know they can ask you anything and that you’ll do your best to answer; that it is okay to feel sad or confused; that death is a natural part of life, and that our faith teaches us it’s a transition to a new way of living with God.
Prayer and faith can also help children understand and cope with death. Make sure you pray together for your loved ones who have passed away, asking God to care for them and help you feel their presence often. This not only reinforces belief in the communion of saints – it offers real comfort for everyone.
